Sunday, January 20, 2013

Liar, liar pants on fire

Ok, who doesn't tell their kids a white lie every now and then, especially one to get them to eat their dinner or clean up their toys. I think most parents are guilty, whether they will admit it or not. But I have noticed lately that my lies might be getting out of control.

Whose woods these are, I think I know! (See I'm not so redneck)
So I decided to make a list of the white lies (ones I can remember at least) that I tell my kids. Maybe I need an intervention...
  • If you eat your carrots you can see in the dark (my kids refused to eat them before, now its their fav veggie)
  • Eating spinach makes your muscles grow like Popeye (they would have never tried it otherwise)
  • I have an i phone app that alerts me when you get out of your bed (my son was sneaking out of bed just as Mama/Daddy time would start)
  • If you don't brush your teeth, they will fall out (well this is true, but I neglected to say it would take a while)
  • Mama eats monsters, especially ones under your bed (I tried everything to get rid of my baby boy's fear of monsters in his room, and this actually worked)
  • If you don't pick up your toys, they might disappear in the morning (I had to go through with this one a few times and then they became believers)
  • There are crocodiles in the canals, so stay away from the water (my son has a magnetic attraction to the water and no fear to just leap in)
  • A blue stripe will appear on your forehead if you tell a lie (It's not really a lie, something does appear on their forehead when they lie...crinkles from a guilty smile)
  • The police will arrest you if you don't wear your seat belt (well, they might arrest Mama, especially since I don't have Dutch driving licence)
  • If you pick your nose, your fingers will get stuck (could happen if you left them up there long enough)
  • Boogies will make you vomit, do not chew and swallow! (well, Mama would vomit if she sees it)
  • Your ears will freeze and fall off if you don't wear your hat (in Siberia)
  • If you dig in your butt, your fingers will fall off (I know extreme, but I have seen the fingers go from poopy shoot to mouth in 1.2 seconds!)
The list could probably go on for another page, but I don't want to reveal the full extent of my bad motherliness and I don't want to end up on Dr Phil. Eventually, my kids will figure them out and through extensive therapy, realize that their Mama was just crazy. But at least they will be healthy, have all their teeth and their fingernails won't be full of sh#t!



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