Saturday, September 10, 2011

Mama's Night Out...

Mama: I walked into the cafe, heads were turning, I could feel eyes watching me as I took off my jacket to reveal a newly trimmed down sexy, curvy figure, only a mother can have. Out of my peripheral I could see I got the attention of a young stud sitting with his buddies just trying to act like he wasn't paying attention to me. I turned my head ever so slightly so the candlelight would highlight my best feature and lure him in even more. Maybe he would even come over to talk to me, and I would chat for a while and then casually mention I needed to get back to my darling family. He would openly display his disappointment while complimenting me on how wonderful I look for having two kids, and of course saying the Baby's daddy was a very lucky man. I would blush slightly (men apparently love blushed cheeks, Playboy uses this trick) and sexily put on my jacket, leave the cafe with the wind tousling my hair ever so seductively and hop on my Moeder bike and peddle off into the moonlight...Poor guy.

Young stud: Oh my God, the crowd is getting older and older in this place. Look what just walked in the door, Grandma. And oh my god, look at the way she is taking off her jacket. Oh my God, I just puked in my mouth. She has more chins than the Chinese phone book and look at those gigantic breasts...around her knees. Oh my god, and she keeps looking over here at me. Please god don't let her cougar up and come talk to me. Puke in my mouth again. She just turned towards me and oh my god...granny boobs...Oh thank god she is leaving, how annoying she keeps glancing at me..yuck. Oh and no surprise she has two baby seats on her bike...well guess she's got two grand kids.

Pregnant woman in corner: Look at this poor lady that just walked in. Look at those bags under her eyes, I bet she has kids. And look at that shirt. Poor lady, someone should tell her. Her friend should tell her. I would tell my friend. I would never let myself go that badly, even after 20 babies. Oops, just felt a kick. Aww, baby agrees. What a perfect baby, poor lady...

Lesbian at opposite table: Wow fresh meat walking in...false alarm. Maybe 10 years and 20 pounds ago...

Drunk old fart at the door: Yummy, its looking good for me tonite!

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