The God of Hairy Legs has spoken...my legs are to resemble those of a bear or better yet, a Sasquatch. Because that is what i felt like after months of having no time to shave and months before that, of not even being able to even see my legs.
Yet, today was to be a new day, I finally got the nerve to put on my bathing suit and take my son swimming. I was going to shave (ok I kind of have to) and finally attempt to feel somewhat like "The Woman" I used to be in 2007 BC (Before Children).
So I am in the shower, lathering up these legs that look more like something you would find in a zoo, and I start my first row of shaving. Well I cant even plow an entire row without having to clean out the clogged up razor. I knew right then I was looking at going beyond my allotted time to take a shower. Charly would sleep for another 10 minutes and Luca would only play about 10 minutes in his room without realizing my absence.
Sure enough, I finally completed the first leg when I saw little fingers prying open the shower door. I thought fast and gave him his toothbrush with toothpaste. A toothbrush with toothpaste is like Crack to Luca. He will suck on the toothpaste for an hour if you let him, you just have to keep dabbing a bit of the paste on the tip for him to keep up the addiction. He would suck and then wait patiently by the door for his next hit. It was a long shot but I was hoping it was enough time to get the other leg shaved.
He shut the door after the first dose of toothpaste. I thought to myself maybe he just wanted to see where I was and he would go back to his room to play. WRONG! This is where I think the God of Hairy Legs intervened. Angered at the destruction I was doing to such a fine specimen of hairy legs, I think the God had a hand in what was to follow because my angel Luca could never think of such a thing on his own : )
Charly's bed was not even three feet from the shower door so I could see her while showering. Well not a few seconds after Luca shut the door did I hear Charly coughing and choking. I knew immediately what was happening. Luca was trying to brush Charly's poor little non-existent teeth. Mid-shave I flung the door open to see my little devil running desperately out of reach of his raving mad half- shaved naked mommy. Dripping wet over the victim I was able to see no harm was done as Charly licked the minty paste from her lips.
Mission to save any feeling I had to be a normal woman was aborted. Shower time was over, with one leg shaved and the other with random stripes of cleanly shaven flesh. The God of Hairy Legs won and I will go to the swimming pool today, half woman half beast. And only dream of the time when the Razor and I may meet again.